I'm lonely.

I'm lonely not because I can't find somebody. It's because I lack the confidence to ask a girl out because of years of rejection. And I don't want to hear an awe, or an I'm sorry. It's just the way things are.

You see, I commented once where I asked out loud, how do even people like that find love together, as I pointed out to a less than desirable couple. I got a reply from a female in the group, because the better ones have better filters.

We got a big laugh from that one. But it indeed was true.

It made me feel less of an undesired catch, but also made me feel more hopeless as well. You see, in LA, in Hollywood in particular, one's game has to be way up there, for one to be desirable. You see, that means that I can be semi successful, and on tv, and work with way more successful stars, but it doesn't mean squat unless I am actually as successful as they are.

In LA, everyone, anyone worth their weight in headshots are model gorgeous. Sometimes I eel like I'm not. I try to tell myself that I'm not ugly, but sometimes I have a hard time believing myself. Convincing myself.

So I tread on. Day by day. But one thing's for sure. I know just from being in California, and just even having to try to bring my game up a little that I'm way desirable everywhere else in the country.

Once about a decade and change ago, I move to Florida for a year. I was so popular in school. EVERYONE loved me and knew me by name. It's like in those movies where the student walks down the halls and people off camera say to him. Yeah, well that's me. Or it was. I would feel bad that people I wouldn't know, knew my name. But I'd be very pleasant to them still.

All the girls wanted me. I had girls I didn't even want. Can you imagine that? Girls who wanted me whom I had no feelings for.

Well, okay, it happens here too. But hat's another story. It's because beauty is so rampant here that it outshines lesser beauty. And you know how my mind is, it just can't operate well when it sees a pretty face.